December 10, 2011 One year later

"Life goes on"

The past couple of weeks have been very nostalgic for me. Thinking about where I was a year ago today and where I would be a year ago tomorrow is mind blowing. And here I am, off in the mountains in Colorado visiting some best friends and snow shoeing on my bionic legs.

I’ve been desperately trying to sum up the year in my head – what have I learned from it all?? In many ways I feel like I’m the same person I was a year ago – same home, same job, same activities, biking, dancing, frolicking. But having been through so much I want to be different, And I think I am. One of the things I’ve learned is that life goes on. It sounds simple, but at certain points in my recovery, I was very stuck on the uncertainties. In particular, as many of you know, it was difficult for me to imagine my life with a bum foot. And sure, maybe it’s easy for me to say, “hakuna matata, life goes on” now that I’m braceless and biking… but I still can’t feel my foot, I’m still in pain every day, and my bones hurt when the weather changes, and that’s okay. Because life goes on, and we adapt. I hope to look at other areas of life with this attitude and not sweat the small stuff as much. When in the moment, it’s always easy to blow things out of proportion, but at the end of the day, we generally figure something out.

I’ve also developed a new take on the “is the glass half empty or half full?” question. Shortly after the accident, my mom’s friends gave me a nice ring that is engraved with nothing is impossible. I wore it at first, but then removed it thinking, “Psh, that is silly. Of course some things are impossible, let’s be logical here.” But recently I put it back on. Not because I’ve healed so much, but because although I still don’t think everything is possible, I do think it’s helpful to hope. And yes, it’s good to be realistic and set expectations, but not at the expense of optimism. So at the end of the day, I think I would still answer, “it depends” to the question, because of course I always have to over analyze… but then I would pick up the glass, drink the rest, and fill it again! (Hopefully it’s a delicious brewsky.) J It doesn’t hurt to be positive.

In all seriousness, we all know it’s been a crazy year. Another thing I’ve learned, or rather solidified, is that there is such thing as agape love. Agape, Greek for unconditional love, is what my mother has shown to me over these past 12 months (especially the first 5). You all know her – have you ever met a more selfless, loving, genuine woman? I am so blessed to have her in my life and I can’t write a reminiscing post without mentioning her.

But now I’ve gotten on the “I’m thankful for” train, which would be miles long. As I’ve said before, words cannot express how loved I felt during this whole ordeal. Many of you have been in the thick of it with me – some here, some from a far. And I’ll say it again: it was you who got me through it. I had some pretty low lows at times, but the support was always there, and I always had a shoulder to cry on. Today, a year after the accident, I can confidently say I’m a stronger person. I may not beat you in a race (but let’s be honest, could I ever?) but in addition to rods in my legs, I’ve grown a stronger backbone. And I’m happy as can be.